Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
