two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm sobbing to NWA
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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