I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
