did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
