here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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