i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
