Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
