How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
