Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
