Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
