Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
