I think I won the penis lottery.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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