I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
