ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Quick, to the slutcave!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
