like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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