rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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