I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
