you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
