so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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