she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
