I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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