OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
