i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
