We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
