If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
