NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
