I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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