there's paper in my vomit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
