Got a toothbrush?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
