You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
