Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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