As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Randomize
