I heard we made out
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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