I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
