Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
