he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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