There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
