i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
