i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Vodka?
Forever.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
