Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
