Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize