I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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