i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
