So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
