We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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