do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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