I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
