Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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