Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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