i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
