I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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