You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
